8 1

Hold on Health, I’m Trying to Build My Life

It’s times like these when I sit down to write something relevant and interesting for our Natura readers that I’m reminded by how disconnected I feel with everything that I’m “supposed” to be interested in. It turns out living in a perpetual state of tiredness with chronic headaches for several months can have that effect,…

It’s times like these when I sit down to write something relevant and interesting for our Natura readers that I’m reminded by how disconnected I feel with everything that I’m “supposed” to be interested in. It turns out living in a perpetual state of tiredness with chronic headaches for several months can have that effect, go figure.

It’s 11 a.m. on a Tuesday morning, and despite having slept for 10 hours, I am exhausted. I don’t have class until 2 p.m., so I spend the next two hours trying to build enough energy to get out of bed and exist. Meanwhile, I’m thinking about all I have to do today and didn’t do yesterday (or the day before that, or the day before that).

“All I ever really want to know is how other people are making it through life—where do they put their body, hour by hour, and how do they cope inside of it.” – Miranda July

Eventually, I get up, shower, and go to class. In class, I’m waiting to get out of class. None of that holds my interest or attention anymore. Instead of participating in class, I think about all the things I’d like to be creating, the emotions I’d like to experience. I look up. People are leaving, time for my next class.

This has been my life for the last 8 months. These past months have been the most debilitating months of my life. I’ve never felt more physically, mentally, and spiritually unhealthy than I do now. Not the most ideal way to start one’s first year of college, right?

I came to college excited to learn and meet people and intentions to be as involved as possible. And don’t get me wrong; I’ve done all of that. It just hasn’t felt as fulfilling as I’d thought it be. To be brutally honest, I hasn’t been fulfilling at all. I don’t feel like I’m aligned with my purpose yet, and it’s throwing me off.

It’s times like these when I sit down to write something relevant and interesting for our Natura readers that I’m reminded by how disconnected I feel with everything that I’m “supposed” to be interested in. It turns out living in a perpetual state of tiredness with chronic headaches for several months can have that effect, go figure.

Hanging out with friends and trying to bury myself in obligations hasn’t done much for my outlook either. Keeping busy is difficult when you lack the motivation to do something as simple as making up your bed.

Although it’s remarkable how little I do each day (being a college student), I manage to consistently feel busy and like I have no time to focus on myself. When I do have time, I often feel remarkably unoriginal and uncreative.

I suppose what I’m feeling is unbalanced. It’s strange to me how aware I can be of my unhealthy condition, yet so unable to come out of it.

This isn’t at all how I imagined this part of my life to be.  And if I can be cliché for a moment, I have things to do, people to see, and I can say that I can’t, or wouldn’t, enjoy that where I am now.

Have you ever gone through a time like this is your life? What are some things you did to rediscover your creativity or motivation? Share in the comments below.

 

What do you think?